


Messy in the Middle

by isnonstop



Series: At Your Mercy [10]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Lack of Communication, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-06 22:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13420632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnonstop/pseuds/isnonstop
Summary: "Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end."— Robin SharmaIn which John and Alexander adjust to their new relationship. And of course, this isn't without road bumps.





	1. Monday, 1st January - Saturday, 13th January

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, friends. Sorry, it's been a few days... this instalment is giving me some trouble so I don't think we'll have daily updates with this one. Tags to be added as the story progresses and I figure out what actually is going to happen... (I have the general idea but no specifics)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Alex traced his fingers down John’s bare back, drawing patterns on the soft skin at the base of his spine, tracing along the edge of John’s pants. The submissive hummed, pressing his face into Alex’s stomach, curls loose and damp around his shoulders._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, look, I finally introduce some new characters….

The time spent between New Year’s and returning to school was the most peaceful time John had ever had in his life. The Washingtons were everything he wished his parents would have been - kind, loving, supportive. And being able to just _be_ without having to pretend or lie, to just be himself and submit as much as he wanted without fear was amazingly wonderful. 

John and Alex spent a lot of time together, getting used to the other in this new context. John always knew Alexander was a strong dominant but it wasn’t until Alex stopped holding himself back that John realised just how dominant Alexander was. 

And he loved it.

He loved all the little things Alexander did to assert dominance without being showy. All the touches, the whispers, the soft-spoken commands. Alexander was such a natural dominant that he never had to force anything, his commands and energy was always so confident and commanding that it often left John’s knees weak. John didn’t discover his all-time favourite thing Alexander did until the day before they were set to head back to New York. 

He was stood at the counter, sipping a lemonade as he and Martha talked about his plans for his major. Alexander had been out with George, helping him walk the dogs and hating every second of it because of the cold, and when he came in he was miserable and chilled down to his very bones. John didn’t notice that Alexander had come into the room, too focused on his conversation. It wasn’t until a hand tangled in his hair and lips pressed against the underside of his jaw that he knew Alexander was there. A soft gasp escaped his lips at the sound as Alex tugged his head back slightly pressing a kiss to John’s skin. 

“ _Mine_ ,” Alex whispered, voice low and deep, possessive and dominant and assertive. That word seemed to sink into his skin, marking him, branding him. John whined softly, a shiver going down his spine, knees going weak. He was forced to grab the counter to keep himself from falling. Alex pressed another kiss to his skin, seeming to seal the claim before stepping back and going to make himself a drink. 

John wasn’t sure why that simple action affected him so much. He couldn’t figure out, not then and not every time he thought about it afterwards, why Alexander’s almost completely innocent assertion of his place as John’s dom made his knees go weak and heart rate pick up so dramatically. He wondered if something that simple affected him so much because he had been suppressing his submissive instincts his entire life and if it would have affected Lafayette as much. He made a mental note to ask Lafayette about it later as he glanced over to see Alexander sipping at a warm mug of coffee, a pleased smile on his face. 

———

Alex traced his fingers down John’s bare back, drawing patterns on the soft skin at the base of his spine, tracing along the edge of John’s pants. The submissive hummed, pressing his face into Alex’s stomach, curls loose and damp around his shoulders. He’d just gotten out of the shower and was in the process of getting dressed when Alexander had summoned him over, wordlessly gesturing for the submissive to lay down on the bed. John had done so without question, climbing onto the bed and laying down, resting his head in Alex’s lap and sighing softly when his boyfriend rested a hand on his bare back. 

“You’re such a good boy,” Alexander whispered, hand settling on John’s lower back, thumb rubbing slow circles. John whined, turning his head slightly to peak up at Alexander. The dominant was smiling down at John gently, gaze full of affection and happiness. It made John blush, hiding his face in Alex’s stomach. Alexander chuckled, moving his hand to run his fingers gently through John’s hair. “And very cute too.”

“Sir,” John whined, shifting closer, feeling drowsy and peaceful and happier than he had in a long time. 

“Classes start in a few days,” Alex said softly, gently combing through John’s wet curls. “I’m going to miss just lazing around with you.”

“Me too,” John whispered, nuzzling Alex’s stomach. 

“But I do miss class,” Alex admitted softly. 

John laughed, “You’re a workaholic, Alex.”

“I like working,” Alex shrugged. “I feel weird when I don’t have something to do.”

“You’ve always got something to do,” John rolled over, laying on his back and staring up at Alexander. “Even when you don’t haveclasswork work you’re always coming up with things for yourself to do.”

“I like working,” Alex repeated with another small shrug and a smile. He rested a hand on John’s chest, fingers rubbing his submissive’s skin gently.

John smiled as well, resting a hand on Alex’s. “Sir?”

“Yes, love?” Alex hummed.

“May I have a kiss?” John whispered.

“Of course you can,” Alex smiled brightly, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to John’s lips. 

———

“John?”

“Yes, sir?” John blinked, looking up at Alexander. He was knelt on a fluffy kneeling cushion next to Alex’s desk chair. He’d finished all the work he needed to do that day almost an hour ago and was happy to kneel by Alex’s side while the dominant worked. 

“Did you organise for your things to be brought up from South Carolina?” Alex gently brushed a strand of John’s hair out of his face. 

“Yes, Matty is shipping them.” 

“Good boy,” Alex smiled softly. John blushed from the praise, ducking his head and resting his cheek back on Alex’s knee. 

“How much longer are you going to work for, sir?” John asked, tapping his fingers on Alex’s socked foot. 

“Dinner is in an hour,” Alex hummed, scratching John’s scalp. “Are you okay to kneel until then?”

“Yes, sir,” John hummed, shutting his eyes. 

“Tell me if you start to hurt,” Alex ordered, running his fingers through John’s hair once more before returning to his laptop. 

“Yes, sir,” John whispered, already drifting off into the peaceful, quiet nothingness that he’s able to experience when he’s with Alexander. 

———

“You should come out with us,” Lafayette said, leaning in the doorway of Alex and John’s room. “It’s going to be fun, mon ami.”

“Where’re you going?” John asked, not bothering to look up from his sketchbook. 

“The Schuyler’s are having a party,” Lafayette said, smiling. “It’ll be fun. Come on.”

John hummed, shutting his sketchbook and grabbing his phone. "I'll need to ask Alex."

"He makes you ask permission?" Lafayette raised an eyebrow, looking a bit annoyed. "That doesn't sound like Alexander."

"No, Laf, he doesn't," John unlocked his phone, pulling up Alex's contact info. "But he was rambling on this morning about plans or something for a date but he never said what day so I want to see if he was thinking about tonight."

"Ah," Lafayette nodded, smiling. "Oui, do find out if our Alexander is planning a date."

John dialled Alex's number, pressing the phone to his ear and waiting as it rang. 

"John! Hey! I'm on my way back to the dorm now," Alex said as soon as he answered. "Eliza and her sisters are having a party and she invited us so we're going there tonight so you should get dressed."

John laughed, rolling his eyes fondly. "Lafayette just invited us too. I was calling to see if you'd planned anything."

"Ah, well then," Alex chuckled. "We're going to the party."

"Cool," John smiled. "What should I wear?"

"You want me to pick?" Alex sounded a little surprised.

"Um," John blushed, ducking his head. Lafayette was smirking at him from where they were leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed loosely over their chest. "Yes please sir."

"Okay," Alex said, gentle and fond. "Don't be embrassed, love. Lots of subs like having their doms choose for them."

"'M not embrassassed," John mumbled, picking at his hoodie. 

"Okay, darling," Alex smiled. "Why don't you wear that grey sweater Laf got you for Christmas. And that nice pair of blue jeans. Leave your hair down."

"Yes, sir," John whispered. 

"Good boy," Alex smiled. "I’ll be there soon. Get ready."

—

"Eliza!" Alex swept across the room, pulling her into a tight hug. Eliza laughed, hugging Alexander back. 

"Hello, Alex, it's good to see you," she said, pulling back and smiling fondly at him. "How was your Christmas?"

"Good," he smiled, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "And yours?"

"It was lovely," she smiled, glancing over Alex's shoulder to where John was standing. "Hello, John."

"Hi, Eliza," John said, giving a small wave. He didn't know Eliza as well as Alexander did, they'd only met a couple times since starting Columbia, but John always left every interaction with Eliza feeling happy. It's like she seemed to ooze positivity and joy. 

"How was your Christmas?" Eliza asked, stepping over and giving John a hug as well. 

"Christmas sucked," John shrugged. "But the time at the Washingtons afterwards was nice."

"Alex mentioned that you had a fight with your family," Eliza said, giving him a gentle smile. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," John shrugged, biting his lip. "What else did Alex mention?"

"He said you're dating," Eliza smiled. "So congratulations." 

"Thanks," John blushed, ducking his head. "So everyone knows that I'm a sub?"

"Yes, John," Eliza rested a gentle hand on his cheek. "And no one cares."

"Right," John nodded, smiling shyly. "Thanks, Eliza."

"No problem," she patted his cheek gently. "Now, go have fun. There's plenty of food in the kitchen and we let Peggy control the music so sorry about that."

John chuckled, listening to the music coming out of the speakers, "Your sister has good taste."

"Her tastes are dubious at best," Eliza shrugged.

"I like it," John shrugged, smiling when Alexander grabbed his hand. 

"Well, I'm sure Peggy will be pleased," Eliza said, smiling as someone called her name from across the living room. "I've got to go. I'll see you guys in a bit. Have fun!"

"Let's go get something to eat," Alex said, dragging John through the apartment to the kitchen. "Angelica!"

"Hello, Alexander," Angelica said, looking away from the person she was talking to to smile at him. "Nice to see you."

"You too," he smiled, glancing over at the person leaning against the counter. "Who's this?"

"This can hear you and speak for herself," the woman said, a clear french accent coating her words. 

"Sorry," Alex said, stepping over and holding out a hand. "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm Alexander Hamilton."

"Adrienne de Noailles," she said, shaking his hand with a nod. "Angelica has mentioned you before."

"Funny, she's never mentioned you," Alex said, wrapping an arm around John's waist. He raised an eyebrow at Angelica when Adrienne did the same. 

"That's because I like to keep my private life private," Angelica said, easily leaning into Adrienne's side. 

"Not because you're embrassed of me, cherie?" Adrienne teased, squeezing Angelica's hip. Angelica laughed, her only response being to turn and press a kiss to Adrienne's lips. 

"Gross, get a room," Alex said, expression shifting to one of mock horror. 

"This is my apartment, Hamilton," Angelica said, rolling her eyes at him. 

"Doesn't your father own it?" Alex said with a smirk. 

"Begone, Alexander," Angelica said, throwing a pretzel at him. "Go bug someone else."

"You know you love me," Alex said, before grabbing John's hand and tugging him across the kitchen to where most of the food was laid out on the counter. "Are you hungry, J?"

"I could eat," John shrugged, squeezing Alex's hand. "You pick?"

"Sure," Alex hummed, grabbing a couple plates. "Hold these and I'll fill them up."

"Yes, sir," John said, dropping Alex's hand to hold both plates. He watched as Alex surveyed the food before filling each plate slightly differently. Alex made sure that he only put things on John's plate that the submissive liked and this action made John smile brightly.

"Come on," Alex said once the plates were filled. "Let's go find somewhere to sit." 

"Yes, sir," John said, carrying both plates into the living room where a few people were milling around. Alex lead the way over to the empty loveseat, sitting down and taking his plate from John.

"Kneel or sit?" Alex said, resting the plate on the arm of the sofa. John shrugged, looking around at the people in the room. He recognised some of them but most of them he didn't know and the thought of displaying his submissiveness in front of the strangers was making him slightly anxious. "John?"

"Sit please, sir," John whispered, biting his lip. 

"Of course, John," Alex smiled, patting the seat next to him. "Come sit with me, love."

John sat down, resting his plate on his lap and leaning into Alex's side. Alex smiled, pressing a kiss on John's forehead. 

"You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with," Alex reminded John softly, lips pressed to his forehead. "You remember that right? If you don't want to submit when people are around it's okay. I don't want you to do anything you're not completely comfortable doing."

"I know, sir," John whispered, looking down at his plate. 

"Good," Alex smiled, kissing John gently before pulling back to start eating. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [John's outfit](https://www.instagram.com/p/BA8pqa4m_Gs/?taken-by=anthonyramosofficial) for the party.
> 
> [This](https://cdn1.thr.com/sites/default/files/2015/02/jessica_williams.jpg) is Adrienne.


	2. Monday, 15th January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"He does have that effect on people," John teased._
> 
> _"Hey!" Alex said, butting his head against John's. "I don't drive people crazy."_
> 
> _"You do," John said, looking up at him, a teasing smile on his lips._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely had to go back and make sure this story's timeline fits with the timeline of "The Glue of Life"... it does (thankfully). But I'm pretty sure the timeline of the first chapter is a little vague so, just so everyone is on the same page:
> 
> The first chapter of this story takes place between New Year's and 13th January (the date of the Schuylers' party). 
> 
> This chapter takes place on the Monday 15th January (the day before classes start).
> 
> (I had to make in minor change in "The Glue of Life" - Thomas' in class breakdown actually takes place on February 15th not the 1st)

John liked not having to lie anymore. He liked not having the pressure to maintain that impossible facade. He liked being able to let go and follow Alex's lead, trusting that his boyfriend would keep him happy and healthy and safe. He liked almost everything about coming clean to the world about being a submissive. 

But of course, with his newfound sense of freedom came some problems. 

The Monday before classes started Alexander had disappeared off with Aaron somewhere to get started on some big project for one of their classes that semester, leaving John to his own devices for the day. He didn't really have anything that needed to be done so he decided to spend the day doing something that would make Alexander very proud - getting ahead on the readings for his classes. But first, he needed to go pick up some mail that had been sent to the university for him. 

John pulled on some jeans and a hoodie, slipping on a pair of sneakers and heading downstairs. It wasn't until he had made it to the elevator that he realised he was wearing Alexander's sweatshirt instead of his own. This revelation made him blush, a warmth spreading through him at the thought of being marked by his dominant's clothing. John pulled the sleeves down over his hands as he stood in the elevator, watching the numbers change as he descended to the ground floor. 

The lobby of the building had a few students milling around, but there wasn't anyone that John left a particular need to talk to so he headed off outside, making his way across campus to Wien Hall where the mail room was located. It was a pretty chilly day and John silently cursed himself for not putting on a warmer coat or a hat but he didn't turn around, just continued to push forward. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, tucking his hands into his pockets and walking quickly until he reached the building he was heading for. 

John breathed a sigh of relief when he stepped inside, the heat of the building warming his chilled body. It didn't take long to have his ID checked and make his way down to the mail room. There were a couple other students already there collecting mail so John had to wait for a couple minutes. He pulled out his phone while he was waiting, smiling when he saw a text from Martha.

 

TO John:

Remember that girl I told you about?

The one at the New Year's party?

 

TO Matty:

Yeah.

you never told me her name

But yes

What about her?

 

TO John:

SHE JUST CALLED ME

 

TO Matty:

You didn't mention that you gave her your number…

 

TO John:

I DIDNT

 

TO Matty:

Why’re you yelling?

 

TO John:

Because I'm freaking out Jack

She's so pretty

Help

 

TO Matty:

What did she want?

 

TO John:

She said she had fun on new years and wanted to keep in touch

 

TO Matty:

How'd she get your number?

 

TO John:

She claims to 'know people'… 

Jack

Jack

JACK

Is she like some sort of super spy?

Should I be afraid?

 

TO Matty:

Calm down.

She's not a super spy

 

TO John:

She's so pretty Jack

Send help

I can't handle it

 

TO Matty:

You'll be fine

You going to stay in touch with her

 

TO John:

Yeah

Did you miss the fact that shes very pretty

 

TO Matty:

No I didnt

Youve mentioned it a bunch

 

TO John:

HOLY FUCK SHE'S TEXTING ME

I GOTTA GO

 

TO Matty:

Wait! What's her name?

 

TO John:

Frances!

Bye

Love you

 

John chuckled, slipping his phone back into his pocket and looking up. There was only one more student in line to get the package before him so John pulled his student ID back out, wanting to be ready so he could get back to his dorm quickly. When it was his turn, John handed over his ID giving the girl working behind the desk a smile. 

"You've got some letters and a box," she said, handing his ID back once she'd checked it.

"Okay, thanks," John smiled, slipping his ID back into his pocket. Another one of the mailroom workers brought over the box with a stack of letters on top, resting it on the shelf behind the counter. 

"Here you go," the first worker said, grabbing the box and resting it on the counter in front of him. 

"Thanks," John said, grabbing it and giving her a smile. "Thanks. Have a great day."

"You too," she smiled before turning to the next student waiting to pick up mail. John took his box, smiling at his sister's handwriting on the address label, and left, heading back upstairs. He paused just before leaving the building to pull his hoodie up over his head before heading outside. The walk back to his dorm was quick; along the way, he ran into a couple people from his classes but didn't bother anything more than a smile and a quick 'hello'. It was much too cold to be standing around outside in just a hoodie and jeans and John wanted to get back to his room where he could curl up with his textbooks and Alex's blanket. 

Lafayette was stood in the little hallway of their suite when John returned, dressed only in one of Hercules' hoodies. 

"John, mon ami, salut," Lafayette said, stepping out of the way so John could rest his box down and kick off his shoes. 

"Hey, Laf," John said, brushing the hood off his head. 

"Is that the stuff you left behind in South Carolina?" Lafayette gestured to the box. 

"Yeah," John nodded, running a hand through his hair. "Martha mailed it up for me."

"It doesn't look like much," Lafayette said.

"I didn't take much with me when I went home for Christmas," John shrugged, pushing the box with his foot towards the door to his room. He slipped his keycard into the reader, opening the door and kicking the box into the room. 

"Ah, to be able to travel light," Lafayette sighed dramatically, resting a hand on their heart. 

"You know, you don't _need_ all the makeup and clothes you travel with," John chuckled, turning to look at them. Lafayette gasped in mock horror, pressing a hand over their lips. 

"Mon ami, how dare you?"

John laughed, rolling his eyes, "Got any plans today?"

"Oui, Adrienne and I are going to lunch," Lafayette smiled. "Speaking of, I should start to get ready."

"It's only ten!" John laughed. Lafayette just winked and pressed a kiss to his cheek before going into their room. John huffed fondly, shaking his head before going into his own room, kicking the door shut behind him. He went over and flopped down on his bed, grabbing the textbooks off the desk at the foot of his bed and pulling the blanket he'd stolen from Alex's bed the night before around his shoulders. He settled in to start reading, letters were completely forgotten on the box at the foot of the bed.

\---

"John!"

"Alex!"

"Do you want to come to lunch with Aaron and me?"

"You're asking me?"

"Of course, J, I'm not going to order you to come to lunch with us."

"Oh…"

"Do you want me to order you, John?"

"…Maybe."

"John."

"…"

"John, the truth, please. No one is going to judge you."

"Yes, sir, I do."

"Alright, love. We're at Kitchenette. You know where that is?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, it takes like fifteen minutes to walk here. I'm expecting you here in twenty."

"Yes, sir."

"See you then."

\---

"Ah, John, right on time," Alex smiled as John sat down next to him. "Good boy."

John blushed, ducking his head shyly. He pushed his coat off his shoulders, letting it rest on the back of the chair. He was still wearing Alex's sweatshirt, which made the dominant smile and press a kiss to John's cheek.

"How's your project coming?" John asked, scooting his chair a little closer to Alex's. Aaron was sat across the table from them, his phone in hand as he almost completely ignored the other two. 

"Good," Alex smiled, wrapping an arm around John's shoulders, pulling the submissive in close. "Aaron has been distracted though."

"I'm not distracted, Hamilton," Aaron said, looking up at the sound of his name. 

"Sure looks like it," Alex said, raising an eyebrow. "You've been more interested in your phone than our project."

"Our project isn't due for a month, Alexander," Aaron said, putting his phone down on the table. "I see no need to stress about it now when we've got plenty of time to get it done. Hello, John."

"Hi, Aaron," John smiled, resting his head on Alex's shoulder. Alex squeezed his arm gently, pressing a kiss to the top of John's head. He loved when John was cuddly like this. "I hope Alex hasn't been driving you crazy."

"No more crazy than usual," Aaron shrugged, an amused smile tugging at his lips. 

"He does have that effect on people," John teased. 

"Hey!" Alex said, butting his head against John's. "I don't drive people crazy."

"You do," John said, looking up at him, a teasing smile on his lips. Alex pouted, making John laugh and lean in to kiss him gently. Alex smiled into the kiss, resting a hand on John's cheek. 

"You two are gross," Aaron said.

"You're just jealous," Alex said, pulling back and looking over at Aaron. 

"I most certainly am not," Aaron said, looking down at his phone when it chimed with a message. 

"Oh!" Alex's eyes lit up. "Who's that texting you, Aaron?"

"No one," Aaron said, grabbing the phone and hiding the screen from Alex so he couldn't see the name on the message. 

"Oh it's definitely someone," John said, sitting up a little straighter, grabbing Alex's hand to hold gently. "Who are they?"

"It's none of your business," Aaron said, answering the message. 

"Aw, come on, Aaron, we're friends," Alex whined. "Friends share things."

"Some people like to keep some things personal, Alexander," Aaron said, slipping his phone into his pocket. "I like keeping my personal life personal. Now, are we going to order or not."

"Fine," Alex huffed, "but this isn't the end."

"I'm sure," Aaron said, picking up his menu.

\---

It wasn't until Alex and John were getting ready for bed that night that John remembered the letters he'd picked up that morning. He grabbed the stack of envelopes, sitting down on the edge of the bed to look through them. The first envelope contained a letter he had been expecting - but dreading - a notice from the school of his fees that had been forwarded to him from South Carolina. This was complete confirmation from his father that he was well and truly disowned. John didn't know how he was going to pay for this semester but that was a problem he didn't really feel like thinking about at the moment so the letter was rested to the side, left for tomorrow's John to deal with. The second envelope was a very official government looking one which made John frown a bit in confusion. He ripped open the envelope, reading through the letter. 

 

Dear Mr Laurens,

It has been brought to our attention that the Secondary Gender Designation we have on record for you - Dominant - is incorrect. Lying about one's Secondary Gender Designation is a federal offence, punishable by a maximum one-year prison sentence and/or a $1000 fine. It is our understanding that the record of your incorrect Secondary Gender Designation was filed by your father, Henry Laurens of South Carolina. As such, the crime for filing an incorrect designation record is his. However, now that you have reached the age of majority, you will need to come into our offices before 19 January 2017 to rectify this error or we will be forced to file charges. 

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact us.

Sincerely,

Marla Andrews

Department of Records, NYC

 

John swallowed, chewing on his bottom lip as he read through the letter a second time. He knew there were consequences to lying about one's secondary gender but it had never connected in his mind that he could get in trouble for a lie his father forced him to tell. John folded the letter up, resting it down on his desk on top of the letter about his fees with a slow breath. He could hear Alexander talking with Hercules in the hallway, the dominants voices carrying easily through the slightly opened door of John and Alex's room. John dumped a couple other papers on top of the two letters, not wanting Alexander to see them. John looked down at his wrist, tracing his finger lightly over the mark proclaiming to the world that he was a dominant. He'd never liked the mark, it had always made him feel uncomfortable in his skin and looking at it had always made him uneasy. But it wasn't until that moment that the mark made him feel sick to his stomach. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> godbless columbia being such a popular school and having so much information online that is making being as accurate as possible when writing this so much easier....


	3. Tuesday, 16th January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"It is our understanding that your father forced you to lie about your designation?" She said, looking down at the notes in his file._
> 
> _"That's correct," John nodded._
> 
> _"When did he start forcing you to lie?"_
> 
> _"When I was four I think," John said, biting his lip. "It was right before I started school."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to put the chapter dates as the chapter titles... mostly because it helps me keep the timeline straight but I also thought it might be helpful for you guys.
> 
> **Mentions of child abuse in this chapter**

"You're free around noon right?" Alex said, tossing John a sweatshirt. 

"I don't have class," John agreed with a nod. "But I've got an appointment."

"An appointment?" Alex turned to him, frowning in confusion. "You never mentioned that."

John shrugged, tugging the sweatshirt on over his head. It was one of Alex's, an old comfy one Alex had picked up on some vacation he'd taken with the Washingtons soon after moving in with them. Out of all of Alex's things, it was John's favourite to steal and wear, and it seemed that Alexander knew that too. 

"John," Alex said, voice taking on a more firm tone. "Why didn't you tell me about the appointment? It's part of our contract."

"I'm telling you now," John said, turning away from Alexander and grabbing a hair tie to pull his hair back. 

"Why didn't you tell me before?" 

"Because I didn't have to," John shrugged. 

"It's part of our contract," Alex repeated. 

"Our contract says I have to tell you where I'm going," John turned around, facing Alexander with a frown and a hard gaze. "It doesn't say _when_ I have to inform you of where I'm going. So, I'm telling you now, hours before I'm going to where I'm going, plenty of time in advance."

"John-"

"Alexander, stop," John snapped, cutting his dominant off. "I don't have to tell you anything else." 

Alex's startled at John's tone, frowning as he narrowed his eyes at his submissive. They'd only been dating a couple weeks but that tone was completely out of character for John who had fallen into his submissive side easily and happily. At least from what Alex had seen. 

"John," Alex said, voice calm but with a steely edge to it. "Watch your tone."

"Or what?" John said, bending down to grab his bag. "You'll punish me."

"Yes," Alex said, narrowing his eyes. "I will." 

"Yeah, well, that'll have to wait, I'm late," John said, grabbing his keys and ID before leaving, shutting the door firmly behind him. Alex stared after him in confusion and concern. 

\---

John sat in the office waiting room, nervously rubbing his thumb over the mark on his wrist. He'd been given papers to fill out when he arrived before being told to wait and someone would be with him soon to discuss his file. John wasn't sure what they needed to discuss; he'd refiled his designation papers what else was there for him to do?

"Mr Laurens?"

John looked up, finding a woman standing a few feet away from him with a file in her hand. He stood, moving over to her.

"Follow me, Mr Laurens," she said, turning and leading him down the hall to an office. "My name is Marla Andrews, I'm in charge of your case."

"I didn't think there was a case," John said, sitting down across from her desk, resting his bag in his lap. 

"Well, truthfully Mr Laurens, there isn't really, not against you at least," she sat down, resting the file on her desk. "Really, all I just have a couple questions for you and we need to discuss the procedure to change your mark to the correct one."

"Ah okay," John fiddled with his sleeves. "What questions do you have?"

"It is our understanding that your father forced you to lie about your designation?" She said, looking down at the notes in his file. 

"That's correct," John nodded. 

"When did he start forcing you to lie?"

"When I was four I think," John said, biting his lip. "It was right before I started school."

"Did your father ever threaten you with physical harm if you suggested not lying?"

"Yes, and he's followed through with those threats," John looked down at his lap, cheeks flushing a bit in embarrassment. Marla looked up, a frown on her face. 

"Has your father ever been violent with any of your siblings, Mr Laurens?" 

John swallowed, biting his lip, "Not that I've seen. But," he shrugged, "it's possible."

"To your knowledge, has he forced any of your siblings to lie about their designation?" 

"Not to my knowledge," John shook his head. "Just me. Since I'm the oldest and the heir. He couldn't have a submissive male heir."

Marla nodded, jotting a few things down in her file. "So you've never seen any suggestion that your father has forced your siblings to lie or harmed them in any way?"

"I haven't," John nodded, chewing on his lip. "But I wouldn't put it past him. Why does this matter?"

"We are currently building a case against your father, Mr Laurens," Marla said, setting down her pen. "Lying about your or your child's designation is a federal crime. But before we charge him with lying about your designation we need to investigate whether he's done it multiple times. I am in contact with our offices in South Carolina and we will be having all your siblings retested to ensure that the designation we have on file for them is correct."

"That makes sense," John nodded. "But why all the questions about my father being abusive?"

"Well, I'm a government official, Mr Laurens," she said, giving him a small smile. "I may not be in the child protective services department but if I have a suspicion of child abuse - which forcing your child to lie about their designation falls under - I am duty, and morally, bound to report it."

"Ah," John whispered, looking down at his lap. "Do you have any other questions?"

"Why didn't you come clean about your designation when you turned eighteen, Mr Laurens?" She grabbed her pen.

"Because my father threatened to disown me," John said softly. "And threatened my siblings if I didn't maintain the lie. I wanted to protect them."

Marla nodded, writing a few more things down before shutting his file. "Those are all the questions I've got for now, Mr Laurens. We do need to discuss you getting your mark changed."

"Right of course," John said, checking the time. He still had an hour before his next class, plenty of time. 

"It's a fairly easy process," Marla said. "You will need to get the incorrect mark removed - a simple and mostly painless process. Once the area has healed, which takes around two weeks, you will have to go and get the correct mark."

"Okay," John nodded. "That sounds simple enough."

"It is quite easy," she agreed with a smile. "Your appointment for the mark removal will be made within the week and you will receive a call when it is booked."

"Okay," John nodded again, feeling a bit overwhelmed even though not much had happened. 

"Do you have any questions?" Marla asked, dropping her pen back into the cup on the corner of her desk. 

"No," he said, holding his bag a bit tighter. "No, I don't."

"Then we're all done," she smiled, standing and extending a hand to shake. John stood, taking her hand with a small smile. "Thank you for coming in, Mr Laurens. We will be in touch about your appointment and if we have any other questions."

"Okay, thanks," John said. "Have a good day."

"You too," Marla smiled, going over to open the door, waving him out. John gave her another small smile before leaving, heading out of the building as quickly as possible. He needed to get outside into the cool air to clear his head. 

\---

John was distracted for the day, not able to truly focus on his afternoon class. He knew he missed most of that lecture and would have to get notes off of someone later but he couldn't bring himself to actually pay attention. The dorm room was empty when he returned and John dropped his bag onto the floor by his bed before laying down, staring up at the ceiling. Half of him wanted to call Alexander and ask him to come back, wanting the comfort of having his dominant around. Alexander made him feel safe and calm and helped soothe the raging storm inside his head. But the other half of him stubbornly refused to admit that he needed Alexander in any way, especially in any way that showed just how submissive he was. 

John lost track of time, staring up at the ceiling and watching as the sun started setting, casting shadows over the room. He didn't bother to get up and turn on a light, even as the room was plunged into total darkness. The sun had well and truly set by the time John realised that Alexander hadn't returned yet, even though his classes had finished hours ago. John frowned, sitting up and pulling out his phone. Sure enough, there was a single text message from Alexander, set right after his final class ended. 

 

TO John:

I'm going to study with Aaron. I'll be back late.

 

John bit his lip, rubbing his thumb over his mark as he stared down at the message. It had been sent hours ago and Alexander had probably stopped waiting for a response if he had even been expecting one in the first place. John glanced over at Alexander's bed after reading the message for a tenth time, wondering if Alexander was angry with him for what had happened that morning. He shouldn't have spoken to Alex that way; the fact that Alex was his dominant aside, it was rude to talk to anyone in that tone. It's not Alexander's fault that he was in a bad mood and he shouldn't have taken it out on him. John swallowed, leaning over and flicking his desk lamp on before typing out a message to Alexander.

 

TO Alex:

I'm sorry for this morning.

I shouldn't have spoken to you like that.

I'll take whatever punishment you want.

 

The response came far faster than John had been expecting, almost as though Alex was waiting for a text from him. That thought made John feel worse. Alex had probably spent the entire day worried, distracted from his classes that he cared so much about.

 

TO John:

We'll talk when I get back.

 

John swallowed, chewing on his lip. Alex's response did nothing to soothe the guilt that had settled into his stomach. If anything it made him feel worse and John could feel tears prickling at the back of his eyes. 

 

TO Alex:

Are you mad at me?

 

TO John:

I'm worried, J. 

We'll talk soon. 

I'm on my way back now.

 

TO Alex:

Have you eaten?

 

TO John:

Yeah I ate with Aaron.

Have you eaten?

 

TO Alex:

No sir

 

TO John:

There's some left over stuff in the fridge from lunch yesterday.

Take something and heat it up in the microwave downstairs. 

I expect to see you sat at your desk eating when I get back.

 

The orders made John breathe a soft sigh of relief, loosening the knot that had settled between his shoulders. Alexander may be angry with him but at least it seemed that he hadn't given up on John altogether. 

 

TO Alex:

Yes sir

 

TO John:

Good boy.

See you soon

 

John locked his phone, slipping it into his pocket with a sigh. Usually, Alex's praise filed him with warmth but this time John just felt a tightness in his chest and a knot in his stomach. After the events of the morning, John didn't feel like he deserved Alexander's praise. He'd been nothing but horrid to his dominant that morning and basically disappeared all day without a word, presumably causing Alexander a great deal of worry. Alexander should be reprimanding him, punishing him, not giving him orders and taking care of him and praising him. 

John grabbed something from the fridge, not really caring what it was before slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys. He went downstairs quickly, waving to a couple people as he passed but not stopping to make conversation. The trip down to the kitchen in the basement was quick and luck seemed to be on his side since there was no one else there using the kitchen. He quickly warmed up his food, only realising that it was Alexander's leftovers when he shoved the container into the microwave. Once his food was warmed up John went back up to his room quickly, wanting to make sure he was exactly where Alexander told him to be when the dominant arrived. 

John had been sat at his desk for barely a minute when he heard the main door to their room open; he bit his lip as he grabbed his fork, scooping up a bite of the macaroni and taking a bite. He wasn't particularly hungry but he wanted Alexander to see that he was good and could follow orders. The door to their room open and Alexander stepped inside just as John was swallowing his first bite. 

"Good boy," Alexander sat, dropping his bag onto the floor by the door. He stepped over and pressed a kiss to John's temple. "I'm going to take a shower. You finish eating and then we'll talk."

"Yes, sir," John whispered, staring down at his plate. 

"Good," Alex said, running his fingers through John's hair before exiting the room and heading to the bathroom. John picked at his food, eating slowly but consistently, not wanting to further upset Alexander. When Alex returned, a towel wrapped around his waist, hair still wet and dripping from his shower, John had finished most of the plate of food. 

"Finished, J?" Alex asked, going over to tug the curtains closed. 

"Yes, sir," John said softly. "I'm not hungry anymore."

"You ate a good amount," Alex said with a smile, going over and pressing a kiss to John's forehead. "Do you want to get changed into pyjamas?"

"Do you want me to?" John counted softly. 

"Yes, John," Alex said, going over to his side of the closet and pulling out something to wear. "Get changed and then we'll talk."

"Yes, sir," John said, standing and going to grab his pyjamas from under his pillow. He got changed quickly, tossing his dirty clothes into the basket under his desk. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing over at Alex as the dominant tossed his towel onto his desk chair before sitting down on his bed. 

"Sit down, John," Alex said, gesturing to John's bed. 

"Yes, sir," John said softly, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

"So," Alex said, running a hand through his wet hair. "Care to explain this morning?"

"I'm sorry," John said, rubbing his mark. "I was in a bad mood and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, sir."

"You shouldn't have," Alex agreed with a nod. "I get you were in a bad mood, J, but you don't get to talk to me - or anyone really - like that." 

"I know, sir," John whispered, looking down at his lap. "I'm sorry, sir. What will my punishment be, sir?"

Alex hummed thoughtfully, tapping his fingers on his leg, "I'm not going to punish you, J. Not this time." John frowned but nodded, biting his lip. "But if you speak to me or anyone else like that again you will be punished. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," John said softly.

"Good," Alex smiled, standing and going over to sit next to John. "How'd your appointment go?"

"It was fine," John shrugged, leaning into Alex's side, resting his head on the dominant's shoulder. 

"I'm guessing you don't really want to talk about it," Alex wrapped an arm around him. 

"Not really," John whispered. 

"Alright," Alex kissed the top of his head. "I won't push. But if you want to talk, you know you can tell me anything right?"

"Yes, sir," John whispered, thinking of the letter from the financial department sitting on his desk and the phone call he was expecting. 

"Good boy," Alex whispered, pulling John close. "Do you have any work or readings you need to finish?"

"No," John whispered, a total lie since there definitely was readings he should be doing but he was tired and just wanted to go to bed. 

"Let's go to bed then," Alex said, pulling John so they both laid down on his bed. It took a little manoeuvring before they were both curled up under the covers, pressed close together in the same twin bed. John rested his head on Alexander's chest, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Night," John whispered, shutting his eyes and trying to block out the events of that day. 

"Night, John," Alex said softly, gently running his fingers down John's back to help soothe his submissive to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, good ol' communication issues strike again...


	4. Wednesday, 17th January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Alex grumbled in his sleep, reaching around to try and bring his submissive back to his side. John watched him, brow furrowed and arms crossed over his chest. Alexander frowned in his sleep, giving up his search and burrowing his face into John's pillow with a sigh before settling and continuing to sleep peacefully._
> 
> _John stood watching him for another couple of minutes, a weird and unexplained knot forming in the pit of his stomach._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be up hours ago but I was derailed by a crying baby...

John woke with Alexander's head resting on his chest, the dominants arm wrapped possessively around his waist. A pleasant warmth spread through John at the feeling of Alexander holding him close, making John smile slightly. But that warmth was quickly chased away by a distinctly less pleasant feeling. Alexander's arm felt like an anchor, chaining him down. His smile instantly disappeared, entire body stiffening. He opened his eyes slowly, looking down at Alexander. His boyfriend was still fast asleep, a rare sight, breathing softly and rhythmically. The sight of Alexander sleeping so peaceful, his warm weight pressed close to him, should have made John happy but all John felt was annoyance. He wriggled out from under Alexander's arm, standing and moving away from the bed quickly. He needed to put as much distance between himself and Alexander as possible. John didn't know why Alexander's touch suddenly made his skin crawl when only days ago the dominant's touch set his skin alight in the most perfect way possible. Alex grumbled in his sleep, reaching around to try and bring his submissive back to his side. John watched him, brow furrowed and arms crossed over his chest. Alexander frowned in his sleep, giving up his search and burrowing his face into John's pillow with a sigh before settling and continuing to sleep peacefully. 

John stood watching him for another couple of minutes, a weird and unexplained knot forming in the pit of his stomach. John huffed, grabbing his towel off the back of his chair and quickly leaving the bedroom. The bathroom was empty but the shower still wet so John guessed Hercules was awake (or possibly Lafayette but John doubted it since they did so love their beauty sleep). John turned on the shower, turning down the temperature with a huff. John's suspicion that it was Hercules that was awake was proven correct; out of the four of them, he was the only one he seemed determined to scald off his skin when taking a shower. Once the water was a suitable temperature John quickly stripped off his clothing and stepped in. He washed up quickly, knowing Alexander wouldn't sleep for much longer especially since John was no longer in the bed, and he wanted to be dressed and gone before the dominant woke. 

Luck seemed to be on his side and Alexander was still fast asleep when he got back to the room. John didn't spare Alexander more than a brief look before quietly got dressed. For the first time in a week, John pulled on one of his own sweatshirts, quickly shoving his textbooks and laptop into his bag before grabbing his keys and ID. He paused at the door, glancing over at Alexander one last time, the thought to just stay and talk to his boyfriend passing through his mind before quickly being dismissed. He left, leaving no note to inform Alexander of his whereabouts as their contract dictated, shutting the dorm room door quietly behind him. 

\---

TO John:

Where are you?

You were gone when I woke up.

J?

John?

John, come on. It's part of our contract. 

The contract you agreed to.

I'm not trying to be controlling or anything, J.

I'm just worried.

Please?

\---

"Hello, Mr Laurens, this is Marla from the Department of Records. We have arranged an appointment for your mark removal. It is two-thirty pm tomorrow, January 18th, at the Upper West Side Center. An email with confirmation has been sent to the email address we have on file. If you have any questions give me a call. Have a great day."

\---

TO John:

Mon ami?

Where are you?

No one has heard from you all day 

We're all very worried.

Alexander is beside himself, John

Please just let us know you're okay

\---

"John? Please, love. I'm really worried now. I went to your lecture and you weren't there? Where have you gone? I just want to know you're okay. Call me, please. Or text me if you don't want to talk. Just please tell me you're okay."

\---

TO Jack:

Hey, jackass brother of mine.

Why am I getting frantic calls from your dom?

Dude, wtf

Call him, Jack

Don't make me steal dad's car and drive up there

\---

"Good afternoon, Mr Laurens, this is Emily Collins from Student Financial Services. I'm calling about the funds due on your account. Please give me a call or pop into the office over the next couple days to get everything sorted out. Have a good day."

\---

TO John:

Yo, knucklehead!

What's wrong with you dude?

Where've you gone?

Alex hasn't stopped pacing all afternoon

Lafayette is freaking out.

Call someone

Or text

Or send a fucking messenger pigeon

Just let us know you're alive

\---

"John Laurens I swear to fuck if you don't call Alexander back I'm going to kick your ass. You've got everyone worried sick about you. Lafayette has almost worked themself into a panic. You want to run off and play hookey all day that's your business but it's upsetting my submissive and that's not okay. Call someone."

\---

TO John:

J? 

I'm sorry if I upset you.

Can you please just let me know you're okay?

I'm really worried, J.

Please just one word just let me know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere

 

TO Alexander:

I'm fine. 

 

TO John:

Fuck John

I've been so worried

Where've you been?

Please just come back.

 

TO Alexander:

So you can punish me for disobeying?

 

TO John:

I've been worried about you all day, John.

Come back to our dorm room.

We need to talk.

 

TO Alexander:

I'm not in the mood to talk.

I'm not coming back tonight.

 

TO John:

What? 

John, no!

John?

John?

\---

"Alexander, why is your boyfriend currently sleeping on my dorm room floor?"

"Aaron, fuck. He's there?"

"Yeah, he got here like half an hour ago. Said he couldn't go back to your dorm and asked if he could sleep here. Why is he here, Alexander? You two were sickeningly sweet together on Monday."

"I don't know what's wrong. He was acting funny yesterday and then was just gone this morning before I woke up. And he didn't answer my calls or texts all day." 

"He was weirdly calm when he arrived. Barely said anything before crashing on the floor."

"I'm coming over. I need to talk to him."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Something is obviously bothering him. And chances are it's something do with you. So some time away from each other is probably a good thing."

"He's my boyfriend, Aaron. I need to see him."

"So come see him in the morning. But for now, give him the night to sort out whatever is going on in his head. I'll keep an eye on him."

"If he shows any signs of drop you need to call me. Immediately, Aaron. He doesn't know how to deal with it by himself, not after hiding his submissive side for so long."

"I promise I'll call you if he shows any signs of distress. But I'm sure he'll be find, Alex. Right now it's passed out on the blow up mattress I was bullied into buying."

"You're welcome for that by the way."

"I had no need for an air mattress, Alexander. And once you and your submissive sort out your shit I will once again have no need for one."

"Are you sure I shouldn't come talk to him?"

"I won't let you in the room if you try. Just get some sleep, Alexander. And you can talk in the morning when you've both got clear heads."

"Alright. Fine. I'll give him tonight. But I'll be there first thing tomorrow morning."

"I expect nothing less. Good night Alexander."

"Night, Aaron. Thanks."

\---

TO Jack:

I'm going to kick you the next time I see you

I spent all day freaking out about you being dead or kidnapped or something

You're the fucking worst

Alexander told me you're staying with a friend 

Did you two fight or something?

What's going on Jack? 

You're like sickeningly in love with him

Did he do something?

Pressure you?

Do I need to come kick his ass?

Jack, please answer me. 

I'm worried.

I know it's late so I'm giving you until the morning to answer

But if I don't get a reply by 8am I'm stealing a car and driving to NYC

I love you Jack

 

TO Matty:

I'm sorry, Mat

 

TO Jack:

You fucking asshole

I'm going to kill you

You can't just go radio silent for hours

I was so worried about you

What happened?

 

TO Matty:

I'm just not having a great day

And I needed some time alone

 

TO Jack:

Then say that asshole dont just disappear

Everyone was so worried

Alexander was pratically frantic

 

TO Matty:

I'm fine. 

Stop worrying.

 

TO Jack:

I'm going to drop-kick you

You're such an idiot, Jack

Stop minimising people's care for you

We care about you and you just vanished

Of course we'd be worried

Wtf is going on with you and Alex?

 

TO Matty:

Nothing

I just needed some time away today

Hes great but hes a lot

 

TO Jack:

You could have told him that

Im sure he would understand

 

TO Matty:

I guess I wasn't thinking

 

TO Jack:

Damn straight you weren't

Don't do that again

 

TO Matty:

I wont

 

TO Jack:

Good.

It's late.

I need to get to sleep

Night Jack

I love you

 

TO Matty:

Night Matty

Love you

\---

John woke with the rising sun, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he sat up. Sleeping on an air mattress on the floor wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep but it was better than a park bench so John wasn't complaining. He glanced over to where Aaron was still fast asleep, making it easy for John to silently get up and gather his things. He was sure Aaron had told Alexander where he was and John knew Alex wouldn't keep away for much longer so he needed to leave quickly. John should stay and talk to his boyfriend, he knew that running away from his problems wasn't going to solve anything but he needed to deal with some things first. He grabbed his phone from the floor next to the mattress, checking his messages and sighing softly. There were a ton from Alexander and John read them with a steadily tightening chest, chewing on his bottom lip.

TO John:

I know you're at Aaron's.

And already asleep so you wont see this until the morning

But I need you to know I'm glad you're somewhere safe.

And I'm sorry for whatever it was that upset you

I'll talk to you tomorrow J

Sleep well

 **[Message not delivered]** Love you

He slipped on his shoes as grabbed his bag quietly as he tried to determine if he should send Alex a reply or not. As he silently shut the door to Aaron's room he decided he probably should, after all he had promised Martha that he wouldn't just disappear again. John made his way down the deserted hallway of Aaron's building as he typed out a message to Alexander. 

TO Alexander:

I'm not ready to talk yet.

Ive got things to do during my break between classes today. 

Please don't try to find me during the day.

I need to sort some things out.

I'll be back to our dorm this evening. We can talk then.

 **[Message not delivered]** I'm sorry, sir

John stepped into the elevator as he typed out the last message, pressing send as the doors slide shut and slipping the phone into his pocket. He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders and standing completely straight, just as he was taught his entire life to give off the air of a dominant. He would need that false confidence if he was going to make it through the day, especially if he wanted to have the energy to deal with Alexander that evening. But first, he just needed to get through his classes, and his mark removal appointment, and the meeting with financial services. Just the thought of dealing with all those things made John exhausted and he forced himself to take another deep breath as the elevator reached the ground floor and the doors opened, letting him step out to face the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse my errors. It's late and I'm exhausted (I went to Hamilton ~~again~~ yesterday night and spent like an hour at the stage door, a good 30mins of which I was talking with Cleve September (Laurens/Philip) - He's amazingly sweet by the way, I love him very much) and I suck at proofreading on a good day.


	5. Thursday, 18th January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _John ended up in a park. He wasn't sure how he got there or even what park it was but apparently, that's where his feet wanted to go. He went over and sat down on a bench, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. It was a beautiful day, a bit chilly but not overly so and the sun was out so John could forgive the cold breeze._

The appointment to have his mark removed had taken almost an hour and a half, making John late enough to his afternoon class that he didn’t even bother going to it. Once John was finished and follow-up appointment booked, he left the clinic and let his feet carry him wherever they wanted. Incidentally, they didn’t want to head back to campus so John found himself heading down the street in the opposite direction, with no destination in mind. He was about a block from the clinic when he pulled out his phone, checking his messages. Predictably there were a ton from Lafayette and Alexander, a couple from Hercules, and a single message from Aaron. John wasn't really in any mood to talk with them but he did send off a quick text to Alex and Laf so they wouldn't worry before continuing to walk aimlessly through the city.

John ended up in a park. He wasn't sure how he got there or even what park it was but apparently, that's where his feet wanted to go. He went over and sat down on a bench, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. It was a beautiful day, a bit chilly but not overly so and the sun was out so John could forgive the cold breeze. He looked around the park, watching as people passed him by; a few joggers, a young couple (probably tourists based on the huge camera around one of their necks), a man walking his dog. It was nice to see all the people just going about their lives, happy and cheerful. He’d been sitting there for a while when someone sat down beside him, startling John a bit. He looked over to find a young woman, probably about his age, wearing a red sweater and a pair of ripped up jeans. She wasn’t looking at him, gaze directed out over the park and fingers nervously playing with the collar wrapped tight around her neck. John watched her for a moment before turning away, returning his attention back to the people passing by. For a while they sat in silence, each focused on their own thoughts but eventually, the woman spoke, her voice soft. 

“What happened to your wrist?” 

“Huh?” John frowned, looking over at her.

“What happened to your wrist?” She repeated softly, looking at him. John’s frown deepened at the bruise around her eye. 

“I had my mark removed,” John explained softly. 

“I didn’t know that was possible,” she said, touching her own mark lightly. 

“It is when your father forces you to lie about your designation and lies to the government,” John whispered, resting a hand on the bandage on his wrist. “I’ve got to get the correct mark.”

“I’m guessing he forced you to pretend to be a dom,” she said, hand moving back to her collar. 

“Yeah,” John nodded. “What happened to your eye?” She shrugged, looking away from him. “Did your dom do that?” John asked, watching her profile. 

“Ex,” she whispered. “I left him this morning.”

“You’re still wearing his collar,” John pointed out softly. 

“Can’t get it off,” she whispered, biting her lip. “It’s locked. I don’t have a key.”

“I have some friends that could help you get it off,” John suggested. “If you’d like.”

“Why would you help me?” She asked softly, looking over at him nervously. “You don’t even know me.”

“I’m John,” he said, extending a hand for her to shake. “John Laurens.”

“Maria Reynolds,” she said, taking his hand and shaking it with a small confused frown.

“Now I know you,” John said, smiling gently and dropping her hand. “So, would you like my friends to help you get the collar off?”

“Yes please,” she whispered, smiling shyly. 

“Come with me then,” John said, standing and extending a hand to help her up. “My friends have an apartment close to Columbia.” 

“Do you go there?” Maria asked, following John out of the park as he pulled out his phone to check where exactly they were.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’m a freshman.”

“You don’t have classes today?” 

“I do but my mark removal appointment ran late so I missed my afternoon class,” he shrugged. “It’s fastest to take the bus. You mind?”

“No that’s fine,” Maria said. She realised she was still holding his hand and blushed, dropping it. 

“Alright, it’s this way then,” John said, smiling softly. “Let’s go.”

—

TO Peggy:

Hey, Pegs?

You home?

 

TO John:

Yup.

Why?

 

TO Peggy:

I need your help with something

I’ll be there in like ten minutes

Youve still got those bolt cutters right?

The ones that can be used to remove collars?

 

TO John:

Yeah

Why?

 

TO Peggy:

I’ll explain when I get there

See you soon.

—

TO John:

Hey, J.

I heard you missed your afternoon class

You okay?

 

TO Alexander:

I’m fine.

 

TO John:

We need to talk, John.

We really need to talk.

 

TO Alexander:

I’ll be back after dinner

 

TO John:

Okay, J. 

See you soon.

———

“John, who’s this?” Peggy said, leaning against the doorframe as John and Maria stood outside the Schuyler sisters’ apartment.

“Let us in and I’ll tell you,” John said, pushing past the youngest Schuyler sister. Peggy huffed but moved out of the way, rolling her eyes at John. 

“Come in, make yourself at home,” she said, gesturing for Maria to enter as well. “I’m Peggy Schuyler.”

“Maria Reynolds,” Maria said softly, entering the apartment and sticking close to John’s side. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Peggy nodded, shutting the door. “So, Laurens, I’m guessing this is who you need the cutters for.”

“Yup, Maria broke up with her abusive dom this morning,” John said, turning to face them. “And we need to get her collar off.”

“They’re on the kitchen counter,” Peggy said, heading in that direction. “Want a drink?”

“I’m fine,” John said, moving quickly to the kitchen counter. 

“What about you, Maria?” Peggy asked. 

“Um, can I have some water please,” Maria asked shyly.

“Of course,” Peggy smiled, grabbing a glass from the cabinet. 

“Sit down here, Maria,” John said, pulling out a stool at the counter. “I’ll get that collar off you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, sitting down and resting her hands in her lap. 

“It’s no problem,” John said, brushing her hair out of the way. “Sit completely still okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered as Peggy placed the glass of water in front of her. John made sure all of Maria’s hair was out of the way before cutting off the lock, letting the collar fall off Maria’s neck and into her lap.

“There, done,” John said, resting the bolt cutters back down on the counter. 

“Thank you,” Maria whispered, breath hitching as tears pricked at her eyes. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome, Maria,” John said, sitting down on the stool next to hers. She sniffled, brushing the collar off her lap and onto the floor before grabbing the glass of water and taking a small sip. She had to hold it with both hands to stop from spilling since her hands were trembling slightly. 

“Maria?” Peggy said softly, leaning against the counter. “Do you have somewhere to stay? Did you live with your dom?”

“I did,” she whispered, staring down into her glass. “I don’t know where I’m going to go now.”

“You could stay here,” Peggy offered. “My sisters and I have a spare room.”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Maria looked up, cheeks flushing. “I couldn’t impose like that.”

“You wouldn’t be,” Peggy said, smiling kindly. “We’ve got the space. And you need somewhere to stay. At least until you get back on your feet.”

“I don’t know,” Maria said, looking back down at the glass of water still clutched tight between her hands. 

“Why don’t you stay for dinner?” Peggy suggested. “Meet my sisters. And then decide. John can stay too if that’ll make you more comfortable.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” John said with a smile. “What do you think, Maria?”

“Okay,” Maria said, smiling shyly, glancing between John and Peggy. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Peggy said, pushing away from the counter. “I’m going to text Angie and Eliza to let them know we’re having guests. John, you want to invite Alex?”

“Alex?” Maria asked, looking over at John. 

“My dom,” John said with a shrug. “Probably not, Pegs. We’re, ah, we’re not on the best terms right now.”

“What happened?” She asked, typing out a message to her group chat with her sisters. John shrugged. “You should invite him,” Peggy insisted. “Hiding ain’t gonna fix shit, Laurens.”

“I’m not hiding,” he said, brow furrowing. 

“Based on the frantic texts Alex sent Eliza over the past couple days I’d say otherwise,” Peggy looked up from her phone. “Invite him. Or I will.”

John sighed, jumping out of his stool and pulling out his phone, muttering, “fine,” before heading into the living room to make the call. He dialled Alex’s number, standing at the window and looking out over the city as he waited for Alexander to answer. It didn’t take long, which didn’t surprise John at all.

“John? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong? Did you need something?”

“I’m at the Schuylers’. We’ve been invited for dinner. Want to come?”

“Why’re you at the Schuylers'?”

“I’ll explain when you get here. If you get here.”

“Of course I’ll come. I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Alright. See you then.”

“Bye, J.”

John hung up, running a hand through his hair and slipping his phone back into his pocket. He rested a hand on his wrist, rubbing his thumb over the bandage where his recently removed mark was. It didn’t hurt but he could feel it, a slight tightness that made him want to scratch at his reddened skin. But scratching would just lead to infection and John had no interest in dealing with that so John forced himself to drop his hand away from the bandage, tucking it into the pocket of his hoodie and heading back into the kitchen.

“Alex is on his way,” John said, sitting back down at the counter next to Maria. “Said he’ll be here in half an hour.”

“Great,” Peggy said, grabbing a few wine glasses from the cabinet. “Angie and Eliza will be back soon. They were already on their way home when I texted.” She rested the glasses down on the counter in front of Maria and John. “Want a drink?”

“Peggy, we’re all underage,” John said as he reached out and pulled a glass towards him. 

“And yet you’re not denying it,” Peggy said, grabbing a bottle of white wine from the fridge. “Do you want some Maria?”

“No thank you,” Maria said, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t drink.”

“Alright,” Peggy said, pouring some wine for John and herself. “Would you like some more water?”

“Yes please,” Maria said, resting her empty glass down on the counter. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Peggy said, grabbing the glass and refilling it. “Anything you can’t eat?”

“I’m a vegetarian,” she said softly. 

“So is Eliza,” Peggy said, sliding the refilled glass across the counter. “There’s a vegetarian lasagna that Eliza prepped over the weekend. How’s that sound?”

“That sounds nice,” John said, sipping his wine. “Need any help?”

“Nope, I’ve just got to throw it in the oven,” Peggy said, going over to the freezer. “It’ll take about an hour. Why don’t you two go sit in the living room? It’s much comfier there. I’ll join in a minute.”

“Alright,” John said, grabbing the bottle and refilling his glass before standing. “Come on, Maria. You play video games?”

“Not really,” she shrugged, standing. “James didn’t like them.”

“James? Was that your dom?” John asked, leading her into the living room. He gestured for her to sit while he got the controllers. 

“Yeah,” Maria nodded, sitting down on the sofa and resting her glass on the coffee table. 

“Well, do you want to play?” John asked, sitting down beside her, holding out a controller. “I can teach you.”

“Um, sure,” Maria said, taking the controller hesitantly. 

“Great,” John grinned, turning on the tv. “So, let’s start with Mario Kart. It’s a classic. And not too difficult to learn.”

“Alright,” Maria said, looking over at him with a small smile. “Thank you, John. For everything.”

“It’s no problem, Maria,” John said with a soft smile. “I know what it’s like to have a shitty dom in my life.”

Maria frowned, “Is Alexander-”

“No,” John interrupted, shaking his head. “No no. Alex is- Alex is great. I meant my dad.” 

“Oh okay,” Maria flushed, looking down at her lap. 

“Anyway,” John said, loading up the game. “Let’s play.”

John spent the next five minutes explaining all of the gameplay to her, showing her how to use the controls and giving her the general idea of what to do. Peggy joined them a couple minutes into the tutorial, sitting on John’s other side and adding her own comments on how to play. Once Maria declared that she was pretty sure she knew enough to get by, they started a game just as Eliza and Angelica arrived home.

“Hey, we’re home,” Angelica said, tossing her keys into the dish by the door. 

“We’re in the living room,” Peggy called, looking over at the door as John and Maria focused on the tv screen. 

“What’re you doing?” Eliza said, entering the room. “Mario Kart? Really, Peggy?”

“Hey! It was John’s idea!” Peggy exclaimed, as John passed the finish line and won the race. Maria managed to finish in fifth, a pretty good outcome for her first time. “This is Maria. The girl I told you about.”

“Oh, hello, Maria,” Eliza said, going over and extending a hand. “I’m Elizabeth, but please just call me Eliza. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Maria said, looking up at Eliza with a shy smile. She took the other girl’s hand, shaking it briefly before tucking her hands back into her lap. Eliza smiled, a light blush spreading across her cheeks. Maria was very pretty, even with the bruise around her eye.

“And I’m Angelica,” Angie said, stepping up behind Eliza. “Peggy said you broke up with a shit dom this morning and needed a place to stay. You’re very welcome to stay here.” 

“Yeah,” Eliza agreed with a nod. “We’ve got a spare bedroom. We’d be very happy to have you.”

“Oh, um, thank you,” Maria said, glancing up at Eliza shyly. “I, ah, I’d like that.”

“Lovely,” Eliza smiled brightly, eyes sparkling. “Come with me, I’ll show you the bedroom.”

“Okay,” Maria handed the controller to John before standing, following Eliza out of the living room with a light blush dusting her cheeks. Peggy and John shared a look as they left, smirking in amusement at the obvious interest Eliza and Maria had in each other. 

“Well, that is going to be interesting,” Angelica said, hands on her hips as she watched her sister leave with Maria. “I’m going to go take a shower. Call me when Alex gets here.”

“Alright,” John said, dropping a controller in Peggy’s lap. “Race you?”

Peggy grinned, turning to the tv. “Loser buys the winner dinner.”

“You’re on,” John said, glancing over at Peggy with a smirk and a wink. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look! Another new character! 
> 
> ~~running away and avoiding your problems never fixes anything John...~~


	6. Thursday, 18th - Monday, 22nd January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _John sighed, rolling over and watching Alexander as the dominant slept soundly in his bed across the room. He reached under his pillow and grabbed his phone, checking the time and sighing again. Two-thirty. He needed to get to sleep soon or he was going to be exhausted for his classes._

John didn't often find himself wide awake at two in the morning but here he was. The days since dinner at the Schuylers had passed uneventfully. Well, apart from the fact that Alexander was barely speaking to John, which made the submissive feel awful but he didn’t know how to fix it. Dinner at the Schuylers’ had been an interesting affair, Eliza and Maria spent the entire time completely wrapped up in each other - much to everyone else’s amusement. Alexander had been distant during the entire evening, throwing John off and setting a precedent for the next couple days. He'd expected his dominant to try and talk to him, get to the bottom of the issues between them, but Alexander had barely spoken to him and spent most of the evening talking with Angelica about summer internships. It left John feeling cold and Peggy took it upon herself to entertain John. 

_“Have a drink with me!” Peggy shoved a glass filled with a mystery liquid into John’s hand._

_“What is this?” He asked, looking at the glass suspiciously._

_“Just drink it, Laurens,” Peggy said, taking a sip of her own drink and eyeing him over the glass._

_“Just a reminder that we are both underage, yeah?” John said but took a sip of the drink anyway. “Pegs, what's in this?”_

_“Like it?” She smirked, sipping her drink._

_“It tastes like fruit punch,” he said, taking another sip. “What is it?”_

_“It's called Rum Swizzle,” Peggy said, leaning against the counter. “I learned how to make it turning our summer vacation to Bermuda.”_

_“What's in it?” John asked again, sipping the drink. “Also, how do you manage to get your hands on alcohol. You're eighteen.”_

_“Angelica’s girlfriend is twenty-one,” Peggy shrugged. “And Adrienne loves me.”_

_John hummed, sipping his drink as he watched Alexander and Angelica talking. Alex was featuring wildly with his hands, obviously talking about something he cared about._

_“So, tell me what's going on between you two,” Peggy said, knocking her shoulder against John’s. “Something is clearly causing a problem between you and Alex.”_

_John sighed, taking a massive gulp of his drink before turning to her. “You know how I had to lie about being a dom?” Peggy nodded. “Well, I thought not having to lie would be easier. And it is. Being honest about my designation is a relief but it's also weird. Like suddenly going from living as a dom to living as a sub - and a sub in a relationship no less - is a weird switch. And I really like Alex I do but he's very dominant and that can just be a lot sometimes… does that make sense?”_

_“Yeah,” Peggy nodded. “I understand, well not really since I've never had to lie about my designation but I get where you're coming from. Have you actually talked to Alex about this?”_

_“No,” John admitted with a shrug and a sip of his drink. “I've been busy with other things. I had to get my mark changed and figure out how to pay for my tuition now that my father has disowned me. I have had more pressing things to focus on.”_

_“I think talking to your dom is pretty pressing,” Peggy pointed out. “Does he know about the other things you're stressing about?”_

_“No,” John admitted softly._

_Peggy huffed, rolling her eyes at him, “You need to talk to him, Laurens. About everything. Maybe he'd be able to help.”_

_“Help with that?” John looked over to where Alex was still ranting about something to Angelica. “There's nothing he can do to change the fact that I have to get my mark changed. Or that my father has disowned me.”_

_“No but he can support you,” Peggy said. “No one should have to go through lives troubles alone. You've got a wonderful boyfriend who wants to be there for you. Talk to him and let him.”_

_John hummed, sipping his drink and saying nothing in response._

John sighed, rolling over and watching Alexander as the dominant slept soundly in his bed across the room. He reached under his pillow and grabbed his phone, checking the time and sighing again. Two-thirty. He needed to get to sleep soon or he was going to be exhausted for his classes. He’d had trouble sleeping ever since Alexander stopped talking to him but tonight was the worst of them all. John couldn't seem to fall asleep, his bed felt too big and cold without Alexander pressed up against his side. 

_John tossed his bag onto his desk chair after returning from studying in the library, glancing over hesitantly at his boyfriend as Alexander dug around in his bed to try and find his pyjamas. It was late on a Friday night, a time they usually spent hanging out with friends or just enjoying the other’s company. But Alex hadn't spoken more than a handful of words to him since they had dinner with the Schuylers’, even though that was a couple days ago, and John was on constantly edge as a result, completely ruining any desire to socialise._

_It was strange to see Alexander so quiet. He was never quiet and his silence showed John just how pissed the dominant was with him. John turned away from him, grabbing his own things to get ready for bed. While he was getting changed Alex slipped out to go brush his teeth, leaving John in their silent and dim dorm room. He got changed quickly before heading into the bathroom himself, only to find Alexander brushing past him to get back into their room. John thought about saying something, anything to get Alexander to talk. Even if all the dominant did was yell at him. But John said nothing and just let Alexander go without a word._

_When John returned from the bathroom Alex was curled up in his own bed, blankets tucked around him tightly as he laid with his back facing John. A clear sign that any chance of having a conversation that day was over and John couldn't help the soft sigh that tumbled from his lips. He grabbed his phone from his desk and shut off the light, plunging the room into total darkness before climbing into bed and curling up into as small a ball as possible._

The rhythmic sound of Alexander’s breath drifted across the room but even that did nothing to help soothe John to sleep. He'd laid awake for hours and now that it was approaching three o’clock he was beginning to grow desperate for sleep. But he didn't think he'd be able to achieve that in a bed all by himself, not again. Sleeping alone had become far too difficult to achieve and John didn’t have any more desire to try. So, with a soft sigh and yawn, John climbed out of bed, bringing his blanket and pillow with him as he quietly moved across the room. Alexander continued to sleep soundly; one good thing about the dominant was that once he was asleep (a rare and beautiful sight) he slept like the dead, barely waking for a fire alarm or bomb. John stood watching him for a moment, mentally tracing the lines of Alex’s relaxed face. He looked a lot younger when he was sleeping and John smiled softly, fingers itching to reach out and touch. 

But he didn't, instead John carefully leaned over Alex and rested his pillow down near the wall. Even in a small twin bed Alex always slept close to the edge of the bed, making it easy for John to climb over him and insert himself in the space between the wall and Alex’s body. Once he was in place, John spread his blanket out over himself and laid down. The bed was too small for both men to sleep in it without touching so John’s side was pressed against Alex’s back and even this simple touch brought a wave of comfort and relief crashing over him. John closed his eyes with a soft sigh, finally managing to drift off to sleep. 

_The air was cool and crisp with the sun shining brightly down. John skipped alongside Mother, holding her hand tightly as they walked down the street. He’d just finished his first day of school and it had been amazingly wonderful. He’d had tons of fun playing with all the other children and especially liked art class. Mother had brought him a special treat when she came to pick him up, a big chocolate brownie she had made especially for him. She’d even gotten a babysitter to watch baby Matty and Harry so that she could take John to the park instead of going straight home. John was ecstatic, he didn’t get much time alone with his mother since the babies took up so much of her time._

_“Mama?” John looked up at her, curls loose and framing his freckle dusted cheeks._

_“Yes, baby?” She smiled down at him, squeezing his hand gently._

_“After we go to the park can we stop and get ice cream?” John’s eyes were wide and pleading._

_“You’ve already had a brownie, Jack,” Mother laughed, brushing a wayward curl out of his eyes. “I think that’s enough special treats for the day.”_

_“But mama,” John whined, pouting._

_“No, sweetie, your father will be upset if you have too many sweets,” she said, pushing open the gate into the playground._

_John huffed, “Fine.”_

_“Good boy,” she leaned down and kissed the top of his head, pushing him gently into the playground._

_“Will you push me on the swings, mama?” John asked, tugging her over to the empty swings._

_“Of course, baby,” she smiled, standing behind the swing as he climbed on. John gripped the metal chains tight, happily smiling up at Mother as she began to push him. John squealed with laughter as he climbed higher and higher. He was going so high he would soon be able to touch the sky. John loved the swings! He loved the feeling of the wind in his hair and against his face, loved how free he felt when swinging. It was one of the few times in his short little life that he felt truly carefree and happy and John would cherish that feeling forever._

John woke to an empty bed, his dream leaving behind a gentle happiness even as it faded away. At first, he was a bit confused as to why he was wrapped up in two sets of blankets and the sun was hitting him square in the face. The way their curtains opened shouldn't have allowed the sun to hit him in the face and John grumbled, rolling over and hiding away from the sun. He sniffed, humming softly at the familiar smell of Alexander’s shampoo. He smiled, pressing his face more firmly into the pillow and pulling the blankets tighter around him. He was still so tired and wanted to spend all day sleeping. But of course, that wasn't possible since he had classes that day and a meeting with student finances. And he should probably talk to Alexander about everything that was going on. But first, he was going to enjoy a few more minutes in bed, warm and surrounded by Alexander’s scent. 

“John?” Alex’s voice was soft and a little hesitant as the bed shifted as he sat down. “Are you awake?”

“Yes,” John whispered, rolling onto his back and looking up at Alex. 

“When’d you get into bed with me?” Alex asked softly, reaching out to touch John’s cheek gently. 

“Around three,” John leaned into his hand, shutting his eyes. 

“Why didn't you tell me you had to have your mark removed?” Alex whispered, taking John’s hand and gently resting his fingers over the bandage. 

“I don't know,” John gave a small shrug. 

“John,” Alex sighed, hands dropping away from the submissive as he stood. “You know you can tell me things, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” John whispered, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “Alex, we-”

John was cut off by the sound of Alexander’s phone ringing, making both of them sigh as Alex pulled the phone out of his pocket. 

“It’s George,” Alex said. “I’ve got to answer it. And get to class. We’ll talk later.”

“Alright,” John whispered, looking down at his lap. “See you later.”

Alex leaned down and pressed a kiss to John’s head before answering the phone and leaving. John swallowed hard when Alexander left, staring at the closed door for a long time before forcing himself to get out of bed and go to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter and nothing really happens but it's moving us along to the big conversation this entire story was created to depict...
> 
> [Bermudian Rum Swizzle](https://www.bermuda4u.com/faqs/recipe-bermuda-rum-swizzle/) is my shit and it's super tasty and super strong.
> 
> Remembering that the drinking age is 21 in the US and all the characters are under 21 is very hard since where I'm from and where I'm living the drinking age is 18...


	7. Monday, 22nd January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“John, we need to talk,” Alex said, gesturing for John to sit down on the bed across from him. “Please sit.”_
> 
> _John nodded, dropping his bag onto the floor by his desk before going to sit on his bed, tucking his hands into his lap as he looked at Alexander._
> 
> _“I’m going to talk first, and you’re going to listen,” Alex said, sat up completely straight, voice firm. “And then you will have a turn to talk and I’ll listen. Okay?”_
> 
> _“Okay,” John nodded._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look, the last chapter. And our boys finally chat.
> 
> Alrighty friends, I fucked up the timeline a bit so to fix it I have gone back and edited chapter 3 of ‘the glue of life’ so that it better reflects the fact that Alex and John weren't really speaking at the time…

TO Jack:

Do you know someone named James?

James Madison?

 

TO Matty:

Yeah

I do

Why?

 

TO Jack:

You know that girl I told you about?

The one from the NYE party?

 

TO Matty:

The one you’ve got a crush on?

Yeah I remember

 

TO Jack:

Her name is Frances Madison

Her brother James is in your year

 

TO Matty:

I know him

He’s married to my suitemate Lafayette’s cousin

You and Frances talk a lot?

 

TO Jack:

Yes

She’s great

I really like her Jack

 

TO Matty:

I’m rooting for you

I’ve got to go though. 

I’ve got to get to class

 

TO Jack:

Talk later

Love you

 

TO Matty:

Love you too, Mat

\---

"Good Afternoon, Mr Laurens, this is David Mendez from Student Financial Services. I'm calling about the outstanding balance on your account. If you're having trouble with your payments, give me a call back and we can arrange a time to meet and discuss your options. Have a great day." 

\---

TO Jack:

So

 

TO Matty:

So?

 

TO Jack:

I was snooping around in dad's office

 

TO Matty:

Why aren't you at school?

 

TO Jack:

I'm sick.

Not the point

I was snooping around in dad's office

And I found the papers he needed to file to take you out of the will

And revoke your rights to your trust fund

 

TO Matty:

Okay?

And?

 

TO Jack:

And I may have destroyed them

 

TO Matty:

What the fuck, Mat?

 

TO Jack:

Dad shouldn't be disowning you

 

TO Matty:

This is only going to delay the inevitable

And when dad finds out you took the papers he's going to be pissed with you

 

TO Jack:

I dont care

 

TO Matty:

I don't want you to get in trouble, Mat

And this isn't going to change dad's mind

 

TO Jack:

Again

I dont care

Im going to keep doing whatever I can to help you, Jack

You're my brother

If I can keep destorying the documents until your next birthday 

You get your trust fund

 

TO Matty:

My birthday isnt until October

Its January

 

TO Jack:

Yes and?

 

TO Matty:

Dont get yourself in trouble for me

I can take care of myself

 

TO Jack: 

Well thats debatable

 

TO Matty:

And stop pretending to be sick

Go to school

 

TO Jack

I am sick!

*Cough cough*

 

TO Matty:

Shut up

Ive got to get to my next class

Talk later

 

TO Jack:

Bye!

\---

“John, we need to talk,” Alex said, gesturing for John to sit down on the bed across from him. “Please sit.”

John nodded, dropping his bag onto the floor by his desk before going to sit on his bed, tucking his hands into his lap as he looked at Alexander. 

“I’m going to talk first, and you’re going to listen,” Alex said, sat up completely straight, voice firm. “And then you will have a turn to talk and I’ll listen. Okay?”

“Okay,” John nodded. 

“Good,” Alex nodded slowly. “Right, okay. Obviously between returning to campus and today something has gone a bit _wrong_ between us. We started things very quickly and things were going so well but now things are off. I knew that there would be problems but truthfully I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. And I truly wasn’t sure why you suddenly went from being soft and cuddly and very submissive to being closed off and pushing me away.” 

John opened his mouth to speak but Alex raised a hand, cutting him off, “No, John, please let me finish. I promise you’ll get to talk in a second.” John nodded and Alex smiled. “Good boy.”

The praise made John blush, ducking his head. It had been over a week since he’d heard those words from Alexander’s lips and it sent a jolt of pure unadulterated pleasure coursing through him. 

“I spoke with Thomas earlier today,” Alex continued, voice softer and much fonder. “He pointed out that this whole situation is probably a lot. And that you might be angry and scared, now that everyone knows you’re not a dominant and are starting to treat you like a sub. I don’t know if he is right but his advice about sitting down and talking about everything is sound. So, John, I like you a lot. I care about you so much and I want this thing to work between us. And I know that you’re going through a lot right now and that I can't begin to know the challenges your facing but you don’t have to deal with it alone. I want to help you in every and any way I can. So please, love, please talk to me about everything that’s bothering you. I may not be able to help much but maybe I can do something.”

Alex sighed, running a hand through his hair before nodding slightly, “Okay, your turn to talk.”

John swallowed, nodded, and took a deep breath before speaking. “Thomas is right. At least a little bit. There are moments when you giving me an order makes me angry, well more annoyed than angry but yeah. Like when we were at James and Thomas’ and you just assumed that I wanted to kneel. I mean, it’s normal most submissives do kneel at their dom’s side and I did want to kneel but something about you assuming that that was the case annoyed me. But mostly I do love when you take charge and give me orders and stuff, Alex. I do. I’m not sure why the specific things that annoyed me did so I’m sorry I can’t really explain it to you better.”

John sighed, looking down at his lap, “And I’m sorry for pushing away from you. I know I shouldn’t have ignored you and broken the rules. It was stupid. But I thought it would be best to deal with everything alone. It was stupid. I should have spoken to you. I’m sorry.”

“Relationships only work if there is an open line of communication,” Alex said, standing and going over to sit down next to John. He rested a gentle hand on John’s leg. “We both need to talk to each other, about of fears and worries. It’s the only way this is going to work, J.”

“I know,” John whispered, looking down at Alex’s hand. He hesitantly reached out, resting a hand on top of Alex’s squeezing it gently. Alex smiled, turning his hand over and lacing his fingers together with John’s. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Alex shifted closer to John, squeezing his hand. “I’m sorry too. When I first noticed you acting strangely I should have sat us down to talk. But from now on, we talk. Whenever something is upsetting us, okay?”

“Okay, sir,” John whispered, resting his head on Alex’s shoulder. 

“You wanna tell me what’s been stressing you out so much you miss class?” Alex wrapped an arm around John’s shoulders. John sighed, pushing up his left sleeve to show the bandage wrapped around his wrist. 

“I had to get my incorrect mark removed,” John explained softly as Alex took his hand, holding it gently. “Once the skin is healed I have to go get the correct mark. I got called in to the Department of Records to answer some questions about lying about my designation. Since my dad forced me to lie - and threatened my life and my siblings if I didn't - no charges are being raised against me but apparently, they’re investigating my dad. And I think for child abuse as well.”

“Oh, John,” Alex said, squeezing John’s shoulders tight. 

“It’s not a bad thing,” John whispered. “My dad deserves to go to jail. I’m just worried about my mom and siblings.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Alex asked, pressing a kiss to the top of John’s head. 

“No, I don’t think so,” John whispered, shifting a bit to curl into Alex’s side, draping his legs over Alex’s. “There’s more.”

“What is it?” Alex asked gently. 

“My father disowned me,” John said softly, lips brushing against Alex’s neck. “So he’s not paying for my tuition. And I don’t know how I’m going to pay for everything.”

“Have you spoken to Student Financial Services?” Alex asked softly, gently stroking John’s hair. 

“I’ve been avoiding them,” he admitted, biting his lip. “I’m scared, Alex. What if I can’t get the money and I have to drop out?”

“That’s not going to happen, darling,” Alex said, gently running a hand down John’s back. “We’re going to figure something out, together. We’ll go talk to student finances first thing tomorrow and see if we can get some advice from them. And you can always apply for student loans. Everything is going to be okay.”

“Okay,” John whispered, pressing a kiss to Alex’s throat. 

"Has anything else been bothering you, love?" Alex asked softly, running a hand down the submissive's back. John shook his head, tightening his grip on Alex. "Okay, no more talking?"

"No more talking," John agreed softly. "Just cuddles please."

"Of course, my darling," Alex chuckled, pulling John to lay down on the bed, hugging him tight.

\---

"Hey, John?" Alex whispered, trailing his fingers down John's back. It was late, the sun had set hours again and the dorm room was completely dark apart from a soft glow of Alexander's alarm clock. 

"Yes?" John said, breath tickling Alex's neck.

"I've been thinking," Alex said, drawing a pattern on John's back. "About how sometimes me giving you an order makes you annoyed. I thought of something that might help."

"What is it?" John asked, rubbing his nose against Alex's neck. 

"We have another safeword," Alex whispered. "One specifically for times like this. When you're struggling with reconciling your submissive instincts and years of lying. If I order you to do something and you get annoyed because part of you is still getting used to being submissive. What do you think?"

"But isn't part of you being my dom means that sometimes you'll give me orders that annoy me?" John whispered, fingers trailing over the collar of Alex's shirt. 

"Sometimes, I guess, if it's in your best interest," Alex whispered. "But we're both really young, John. And you're getting used to a very strange situation. So while we're both still learning our likes and dislikes and boundaries I think it better to have a safeword for situations that make you annoyed."

"What if I'm just normal annoyed?" John whispered. "Like you order me to eat spinach and I don't want to."

"Then you use the safeword, we talk about why you're annoyed," Alex explained softly. "And once we know why you're annoyed we can move forward from there. I'd rather you use the safeword ten times a day and have a million conversation about things that are bothering you than you bottling things up, J. I want you to talk to me about things, John, no matter how small you think the annoyance is."

John smiled, pressing a kiss to Alex's neck. "And when we know ourselves and each other better we can get rid of that safeword right?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded, pressing a kiss on the top of his curls. "In a couple months, we can discuss this safeword again. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me, J. About anything okay? You can use this new safeword or our other ones at any time. No consequences for safewords, remember?"

"I remember," John whispered. "And I promise to try and talk about my feelings more."

"Thank you, John," Alex tipped John's head up, pressing a light kiss to his lips. John smiled, kissing him back gently. "Now, pick a word."

"My choice?" John whispered, resting his head back down on Alex's chest.

"Yup, your choice," Alex whispered, rubbing his back.

"Pineapple," John said, hugging Alex tight.

"Pineapple?" Alex chuckled lightly.

"Yup," John hummed. "I hate pineapple."

"Pineapple it is then," Alex pressed another kiss to the top of his head. "Try and get some sleep now, okay, John?"

"Yes, sir," John whispered, shutting his eyes and relaxing comfortably in Alexander's arms. It didn't take long for John to drift off to sleep, happy and safe in his dominant's arms. 

\---

TO Jack:

What did you do?

Was this you Jack?

Jack?

Answer your phone you fucker

Jack

Please

Mom is freaking out

Jack

Please

Call me

Jack SOS

\---

"Jack, I know it's the middle of the night. I know. But please. Jack. I need you to call me. Jack, please. Mom is freaking out. Henry and James and Mary are too. I'm freaking out. Dad's been arrest, Jack. I need you. Please, Jack. Call me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, there seems to be trouble brewing in South Carolina... 
> 
> I don't know what I want to write next in this series so if you've got any ideas please let me know...

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr](isnonstop.tumblr.com) if you want to talk.


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